Archive for the 'Authors' Category

You Only Live Twice

Sunday, April 30th, 2006
State of Body A secret agent who while not even close to death, or even a fatal wounding, does have a very slight tell-tale whiff of silliness to come.
Detail of Inspection Inspected many times.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments Subject, despite minor flaws, will remain a classic Bond corpse.

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Oyster Farmer

Friday, April 14th, 2006

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GoldenEye

Monday, March 13th, 2006
State of Body Looks a little more decrepit with each inspection.
Detail of Inspection Inspected numerous times.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments Bond was back! But not on screen long enough.

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Unleashed

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
State of body A little malnourished, occasionally beaten, but mostly healthy. Killed by a couple of ticks and an infestation of nits.
Detail of inspection Inspected twice.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments Competently done, until the usual mess at the finale. Why do action movies so often fall apart at the end?

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The Terminal

Monday, February 6th, 2006
State of Body Just a few minor blemishes on an otherwise adequetely preserved corpse
Detail of Inspection Inspected once.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments In its current state this body, while not on the nose, isn’t going to be a subject that garners much excitement.

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Arc Of Infinity

Sunday, January 29th, 2006
State of body Frankensteinian.
Detail of inspection Inspected repeatedly at long intervals.
Forensic Investigator Keith Kelly
Comments It seems improbable that this creature could ever have lived, but strangely the main handicaps developed after initial conception.

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Kong

Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

It’s been a week since I’ve seen King Kong. Unfortunately what I’ve got to say, has been said on other boards, but since it hasn’t been said here at FF I thought I would in the hope it might get a little discussion of the film going.

I want to like King Kong, but its length really wore me out. A movie of over 3 hours needs pretty hefty character interactions and/or a lot of plot. But neither are required in the telling of Kong, and their addition to this film in fact hamper the film’s impact.

For plot, there is nothing that can be added to the original 1933 film version of King Kong without it appearing extraneous. Let’s face it, its a pretty simple story. Even when watching the original film, short though it is, some Skull Island scenes have the feel that they are there for no other reason than to show the wonder of stop-motion. And so too with action scenes in the new King Kong . Almost all go beyond a length that maintains interest. In a film of this length action scenes need to add something to the plot, in such a way that can only be provided through the action. But its not so.

The brontosaurus charge was the major offender; it added nothing to the movie except the CG. The upshot of the brontosaurus charge was to set up Baxter as a coward who leaves (to return with the rescue party). But this set up could have been done without this overly long scene. The insect pit too, falls into this set. Once Baxter has gone, then he has to come back and save them from another drawnout CG peril.

And so the plot becomes a slave to the minor characters that so much time was used on to introduce. If Baxter had been kept in the background, then he would never have had to been given something to do to justify the time spent on him.

King Kong would have been better spending more time on its leads, keeping eveyone else in the background, and so keeping its running time down. In this respect I think the 1976 version is far superior. Its length is right for what it has. Lest you should think I didn’t like this new version, there is actually much of it I did like. Still, sometimes less is more.

Coming soon…

Monday, January 16th, 2006

Well, I finally knocked off the “War of the Worlds” dissection, and yup, that’s one ugly alien (though not, perhaps, as ugly as it should have been). I’m not enormously happy with my analysis, so if you disagree with me or have better ideas of why you thought the film worked or didn’t work, why not post a reply?

Coming up in the next weeks: Dr. Winston analyses “The Terminal” and “Goldeneye”, guest Forensic Analyst Dr. Keith Kelly takes the Doctor Who serial “Arc of Infinity” for a spin, and I determine whether “Unleashed” has been a bad boy. As usual, if you have any suggestions or criticisms, feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post. Thanks for coming.

War of the Worlds

Monday, January 16th, 2006
State of body Simple, small, greyish, and conical.
Detail of inspection Inspected once.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments A small-scale slice-of-life family drama was an interesting and nicely daring choice for an alien invasion film, but it falls perilously close to being “a bunch of stuff that happened”.

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The Punisher

Sunday, January 15th, 2006
State of Body Punished (Sorry, I couldn’t resist)
Detail of Inspection Inspected 3 times.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments This body was unable to survive the multiple cuts of budget and length.

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Thunderbirds

Monday, January 2nd, 2006
State of Body Not as bad as you’d expect, not as good as could be expected.
Detail of Inspection Inspected twice.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments Why, oh why, wasn’t Joss Whedon asked to do a script edit?

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Batman Begins

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
State of body Exquisitely preserved, apart from the fact that all the water in it had been instantaneously turned into steam.
Detail of inspection Inspected twice.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments A tragic pity that the body ended up on the slab. It nearly escaped injury altogether, except for one fatal miscalculation regarding a microwave steam gun.

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Paycheck

Monday, December 19th, 2005
State of Body Not so fresh, but not completely stale.
Detail of Inspection Inspected twice.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments Could have had Hitchcock confusion, but instead ends up just a little Woozy.

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Miss Congeniality 2

Monday, December 12th, 2005
State of body Unseen.
Detail of inspection Never inspected.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments I didn’t dare to view the body. Instead, in a radical and unethical departure from the usual procedure, I have reconstructed it from my vague memories of the first film.

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The Island

Sunday, November 27th, 2005
State of body Multiple organ failure. Apparent efforts had been made to surgically replace organs, which were rejected by the host.
Detail of inspection Inspected once.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments A Hollywood film about cloning. The irony will only be exceeded when they do the remake.

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Mr and Mrs Smith

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
State of body Both bodies had multiple gunshot wounds - none to vital organs, but enough to have caused blood loss and death.
Detail of inspection Inspected twice.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments As with many of the subjects here, wounds appeared self-inflicted.

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Land of the Dead

Monday, August 8th, 2005
State of body Subject ripped to shreds by wild mob. Curiously, exhibited no signs of fear whatsoever.
Detail of inspection Inspected once.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments Should have concentrated less on looking cool and more on building tension.

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Hulk

Sunday, July 31st, 2005
State of body Killed by a bizarre mutation - partly normal, and partly something very, very strange.
Detail of inspection Inspected five times.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments Seems to be a normal comic-book movie that has been partially attacked by another Film Forensics reviewer who wanted to turn it into something infinitely stranger. More power to them.

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The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Friday, May 6th, 2005
State of body Appeared to be gently suffocated with a wet towel. No, I am not going to say “Mostly Harmless”.
Detail of inspection Inspected once.
Forensic Investigator shellshear
Comments After an enormous surge of relief that it did not embarass us, we were slightly disappointed to note that it was, nonetheless, dead.

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The World Is Not Enough

Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
State of Body Secret agent assassinated by supporting cast.
Detail of Inspection Inspected six times.
Forensic Investigator winstoninabox
Comments As Moneypenny said, “Close, but no cigar.”

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