Archive for the 'Authors' Category
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
| State of body |
Both bodies had multiple gunshot wounds – none to vital organs, but enough to have caused blood loss and death. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected twice. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
As with many of the subjects here, wounds appeared self-inflicted. |
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Posted in Action, Forensic Analysis, M, shellshear | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 8th, 2005
| State of body |
Subject ripped to shreds by wild mob. Curiously, exhibited no signs of fear whatsoever. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Should have concentrated less on looking cool and more on building tension. |
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Posted in Forensic Analysis, Horror, L, shellshear, Zombies | 2 Comments »
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
| State of body |
Killed by a bizarre mutation – partly normal, and partly something very, very strange. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected five times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Seems to be a normal comic-book movie that has been partially attacked by another Film Forensics reviewer who wanted to turn it into something infinitely stranger. More power to them. |
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Posted in Action, Comic Book, Forensic Analysis, H, shellshear | 2 Comments »
Friday, May 6th, 2005
| State of body |
Appeared to be gently suffocated with a wet towel. No, I am not going to say “Mostly Harmless”. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
After an enormous surge of relief that it did not embarass us, we were slightly disappointed to note that it was, nonetheless, dead. |
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Posted in Comedy, Forensic Analysis, H, Science Fiction, shellshear | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
| State of Body |
Secret agent assassinated by supporting cast. |
| Detail of Inspection |
Inspected six times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
winstoninabox |
| Comments |
As Moneypenny said, “Close, but no cigar.” |
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Posted in Action, Bond, Forensic Analysis, W, winston | No Comments »
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
| State of body |
A pathetic shrivelled husk, drained of vital fluids. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Mediocre in every respect – given the wealth of existing material to draw on, it is bizarre they could have come up with something so bland. An ideal FF candidate. |
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Posted in Action, C, Comic Book, Forensic Analysis, shellshear | 2 Comments »
Monday, March 14th, 2005
| State of body |
Father is dead, but child is still alive and kicking. |
| Detail of inspection |
The kids put it on autorepeat for days at a time! |
| Forensic Investigator |
marco |
| Comments |
Child appeared dead, but had just gone away for a little hakuna matata. |
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Posted in Comedy, Forensic Analysis, L, marco | 17 Comments »
Monday, March 14th, 2005
| State of Body |
Shows signs of over-reimagination. |
| Detail of Inspection |
Inspected three times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
winstoninabox |
| Comments |
A worthy entry as a pilot, but no ace. |
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Posted in B, Forensic Analysis, Science Fiction, winston | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
| State of body |
Badly burned, yet strangely… delicious. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected twice. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Bubba is a competent Mummy, but is not fulfilling his promise. Needs to try harder, and not crib so much from his older brother’s book. |
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Posted in B, Comedy, Forensic Analysis, Horror, shellshear | No Comments »
Sunday, February 13th, 2005
| State of body |
Dead. Just generically dead. No particular cause of death, just the usual, you know, stuff. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Could barely have been more generic. |
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Posted in A, Action, Forensic Analysis, Horror, Science Fiction, shellshear | 2 Comments »
Sunday, February 6th, 2005
| State of body |
Restful. Seemingly content and at peace. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected four times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Took quite some time to realise that subject was not dead, but merely very, very relaxed. |
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Posted in Comedy, O, shellshear | No Comments »
Monday, December 27th, 2004
| State of body |
One could only call it badly decomposed if it was actually composed in the first place. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Corpse was found buried in a garden. Not, however, nearly buried well enough. Appeared to have been dug up a number of times previously. |
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Posted in Horror, S, shellshear, Thriller | 1 Comment »
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
| State of body |
Riddled with tiny vampiric maggots. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Stillborn. |
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Posted in Action, Fantasy, shellshear, V | 26 Comments »
Saturday, December 18th, 2004
| State of Body |
Dismembered superhero. |
| Detail of Inspection |
Inspected three times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
winstoninabox |
| Comments |
The messy corpse hides the wealth of forethought put into this movie. |
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Posted in Action, Comic Book, D, winston | 3 Comments »
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
Another autopsy from guest investigator Winston. Thanks, Winston!
| State of Body |
Secret agent iced by many small wounds to the back of the head. |
| Detail of Inspection |
Inspected four times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
winstoninabox |
| Comments |
Subject at first appeared to be something more than it was, but finally less than it seemed. |
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Posted in Action, Bond, D, winston | No Comments »
Thursday, October 28th, 2004
| State of Body |
Cause of death unknown, but suspected to be culture shock. |
| Detail of Inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
winstoninabox |
| Comments |
Subject appeared to have been somewhat deranged. Had a big target painted in red on chest, with the words “Suckers!” written on it. |
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Posted in Thriller, V, winston | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 25th, 2004
| State of body |
Much to our surprise, what we thought was a body turned out to be a cunningly carved giant carrot. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Extremely perplexing why someone would have gone to such incredible effort in carefully crafting this pseudo-body, since it had decayed almost to nothing by the time we were able to examine it. |
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Posted in S, Science Fiction, shellshear, Thriller | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
| State of body |
Fresh, despite advanced age. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected many, many times. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Subject had all of us here at Film Forensics a little awed, but went out of its way to put us at our ease. Was only, after all, human. |
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Posted in S, Science Fiction, shellshear | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 11th, 2004
| State of body |
Battered about the head and shoulders, but not quite dead. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Subject lucky to have survived – had been declared dead, but lurched off the autopsy table before autopsy started. Currently playing video games in visitor’s area. |
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Posted in Comedy, Horror, S, shellshear, Zombies | No Comments »
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
| State of body |
Appeared to be a fit young man, but worn out through too many repetitions of the same exercise. On closer inspection, a great deal older than he first appeared. |
| Detail of inspection |
Inspected once. |
| Forensic Investigator |
shellshear |
| Comments |
Some confusion about what happened to the body – it disappeared before autopsy proper could begin. |
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Posted in Action, B, shellshear, Thriller | No Comments »